OK, so we’ve seen how Eileen is my loser sister because she sponged more than a half a million dollars from my parents so she could stay in her McMansion in the desert without having to work and pay for it, while her husband failed at selling insurance and ended up going to jail for child pornography just as the bank took the house back. But at least she was a good mother, right? I mean, she raised three good kids who won’t be like their mom, right?
Unfortunately, no. I can’t speak to the youngest, Jon, although I have to wonder what’s going to become of him, being a 16,17 year-old-boy and having to share a one-room casita with his mother while he finishes high school. No, I don’t know much about the boy, but his two older sisters . . . . Let’s just say that the apples don’t fall far from the tree.
Let’s start with Sydney, the oldest. Okay, so what’s the problem? Irresponsibility, mainly. Yeah, she’s actually going to finish college, it appears, after that last summer class, but to what end? Does she have a plan, a goal? It was only weeks ago that it finally came to her that she’s going to need to start working full-time when her last class is finished. That’s right, Sydney, you have to work for a living! I know you didn’t get much in the way of role models on that subject from your mother and father, but, no, life is not using your student loan money to buy shoes and clothes and go to Coachella every year, and get tatoos and industrial piercings and pink tips on your hair (for graduation). Yes, you may want to shoot for more than riding the bus to your job at the consignment store, where you spend your time trying to pick cool music to play on the store sound system.
And then there’s Sherri. At least Sydney has a job. Almost 20 years old, Sherri has never worked a day in her life. She has, however, drunk herself into unconciousness who knows how many times. She got picked up by the police for being drunk at a high school football game. She lost her driver’s license before she was 18 years old for driving drunk. All of the photos on her Facebook page feature alcohol, as do most of her postings, and her primary recreational activity at college appears to be getting drunk and passing out. Following Sydney’s college graduation several weeks ago, when they went back to my parents’ house for the weekend, Sydney shared on Twitter an instagram photo of the two of them, their prematurely saggy asses hanging out of their ill-fitting bikini bottoms, looking out over the golf course behind my parents’ house, with beers in their hands. I’m sure Eileen was the one who took the picture. How proud she must have been! Like mother, like daughters. If this is what is in store for our country, heaven help us.
My nightmare was that they were both going to end up moving in to my parents’ house this summer, even though there is really no room for them, as they had already taken to referring to it as “home” (as in, I’m going home from college this weekend). Fortunately, they both managed to find their way into apartments with roommates, so their California dreamin’ remains just that for now. But with my loser sister as their role model, I can’t help but wonder how they aren’t going to end up on my parents’ doorstep one of these days.